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Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

	2003.11.03  19.25 *dances around like a fucking madwoman* it's about damn time Well, it's finally being proven that people with bipolar disorder have an impairment of good judgement and self-control. I want to just round up every single person who's ever told me that I need to control myself, and not fly off the handle...every person that didn't believe me when I said I was trying. "Don't blame this on your disorder Jasmine." Well fuck you. And that one's all me

	2003.10.16  21.40 is it any wonder why i'm scared? I don't understand sometimes, why everyone seems to think that if I'm sad, that automatically gives them grounds to be mad at me. I start crying, and the reaction is never one of comfort, it's always, "UGH! YOU BITCH!" So I'm starting to wonder. I know everyone gets soooo pissed off at me when I'm upset. "Oh look, the bitch is whining again." Well this journal isn't for you. It's for me. And I wouldn't have to write this, if all of you didn't treat me so horribly. I can't take it on my own anymore. And if you read something here that you think is offensive, or you think it's bringing you down, then just don't read it. I will -never- be so desperate for friends or for acceptance that I will hide my own feelings because you happen to be a heartless asshole. I'm sorry, but I refuse to do that again. And even if you guys only tell me not to kill myself because you're just sick and tired of my bitching, and if I really did kill myself, you wouldn't mind, I don't care! I honestly believe that there is someone out there who does care, and because of that, I'm not going to hold everything inside so that it kills me. I honestly do believe that I need to be treated better. Is that so wrong? Who knows, maybe it is, but at this point, I don't care. I'm happy! I'm not always so sad. But when I am happy, no one cares. No one notices. You all think I'm always whining and I'm always crying, and I'm not. You just don't know me that well, and that's your own fault. You wanna see me happy? Be a good friend! Otherwise, just leave me alone. I'm trying, okay? I don't have control over this anymore than the next Bipolar kid, but I do what I can! And that's just not enough, but when is it ever? Maybe, if we could all just quit talking about ourselves, we could see the truth about everyone else, and in that, see the truth in ourselves... "You lean a little to your left and your right but you can only see who's on your side." And that's how it is. I don't really see a lot of people. And if you only look in the mirror, you're only going to see yourself. I try to care about other people. Is it too much to ask to want it in return sometimes? I may not get it from you, and that's fine, whoever you may be. But I will get it.

	2003.08.04  21.04 Thanks a lot Travis. Well. I've got to totally recreate my online info. So, for those of you that want it, it's on a private post above this. If you don't have an lj, you're not my friend, et cetera, post a comment, and if you're not a FUCKING PSYCHO we can work this out.

	2003.08.04  20.11 you know who you are... I doubt you're going to see this...you've always been so wrapped up in yourself that you never noticed me, or what I really felt. So it wouldn't surprise me that you're not going to go out of your way to find this. But on the off chance that you do, here it is: I can't stand you anymore. You told me that I was trying to take away everything that made you YOU. Well, I didn't know that...and I still am not sure that I did that...but if I did, it's because who YOU are is absolutely disgusting to me. And I never want to talk to you again. I'm much better that way anyway. But don't think it's because of you. Nothing in my life is a reflection of anything that ever had to do with you. Just as always...it's about me. And it always will be. so...bring on the unrestrained-in-bed-leos!!

	2003.08.04  14.50 this song rocks. don't like it? YOU SUCK. >___> I've been looking in the mirror for so long. That I've come to believe my soul's on the other side. Oh the little pieces falling, shatter. Shards of me, Too sharp to put back together. Too small to matter, But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces. If I try to touch her, And I bleed, I bleed, And I breathe, I breathe no more. Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirit's well. Yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child. Lie to me, Convince me that I've been sick forever. And all of this, Will make sense when I get better. I know the difference, Between myself and my reflection. I just can't help but to wonder, Which of us do you love. So I bleed, I bleed, And I breathe, I breathe now... Bleed, I bleed, And I breathe, I breathe, I breathe- I breathe no more.

	2003.08.03  17.15 Jasmine's letter to YM - You're not the only one who's confused Patty, because I'm very confused here too. Did you really listen to the album 'Fallen'? I don't think so. You're not the only one who shares that opinion. My best friend has said that exact same thing. However, I'm inclined to think that neither of you actually took the time to listen to Fallen, and instead only judged all their music by Bring Me to Life. That song is a really different sound for them - same dark lyrics, but different voices. And, might I add, that they had a guest singer on that song, which is possibly why it has such a Linkin Park feel to it. If you listen to 'My Immortal', 'Imaginary', 'Hello', or even songs off of other albums, such as 'Even in Death', 'Missing', and 'Fields of Innocence', and you still hold that opinion, I'm going to have to say, sadly, you have absolutely no idea what 'rap' is. Because I can assure you that NONE of these songs contain rap, and to the best of my knowledge, 'Bring Me to Life' is really the only song that they've done that contains rap, and again, Paul from 12 Stones probably had a little something to do with that. Don't judge a book by its cover? Don't judge an album by its single. PS: If you look at my email address and you don't know where it came from, you don't know enough about Evanescence to judge their music.

	2003.08.03  01.41 falling broken again i'm just so bitter you've left me here to decompose the world is spinning, but i'm just falling (i'll always end up falling again) you told me things but you always did lie you held my hand with such hesitancy and as you laid me down i realized that you don't love me how could i be such a fool? falling from this bubble that i've built around my world and landing on once more unstable ground i fall i fall i fall (i fell) and i break for you drama is just another word for life and hate only means you won't listen but just because you don't care what i say doesn't mean i don't hear you because i heard you tell me i love you don't leave me you lied and you said that you cared how could i be such a fool? falling from this bubble that i've built around my world and landing on once more unstable ground i fall i fall i fall (i fell) and i break for you (another poem that's on likeinaforest but I happened to like.

	2003.07.24  08.53 Hey guys. Okay, the phone deal isn't so great right now. Josh has taken advantage of my break by being on like, 24/7. >_> So I don't even get MY time for the phone. Great huh? I'm moving at the beginning of August. So for those of you who plan on writing, do so quickly, because my new address will only be given out in letters. :3 Anyhow, I'll probably be coming 'back' sometime on/after I move. :D Wait for me? Don't forget me! :D

	2003.07.21  20.21 goodbye my loves. I have made so many mistakes in my life...but I don't think I've regretted one as much as this. ( with pain i remember these memories ) She kisses everyone goodbye And waves her middle finger high They're never gonna mess with her again The drama queen is seventeen And sleeping with boys for free She's got a reputation of being easy Everytime they put her down, she makes a fist and the tears roll down She packs her bags and plans to run away She's saying goodbye and leaving tonight She's wasted all her lonely tear drops She's saying goodbye and leaving tonight She's used up all her lonely tear drops now She thinks about herself and cares about nobody else because the only friends she has all put her down They hate her when she's beautiful and even more when she's a fool They talk behind her back when it's her birthday Everytime they put her down, she makes a fist and the tears roll down She packs her bags and plans to run away And everytime she makes a friend, the vicous cycle starts again She's never, ever, ever looking back She's saying goodbye and leaving tonight She's wasted all her lonely tear drops She's saying goodbye and leaving tonight She's used up all her lonely tear drops now She's saying goodbye, she's wasted all her loney tear drops Saying goodbye, she's used up all her lonely tear drops now Everytime they put her down, she makes a fist and the tears roll down She packs her bags and plans to run away from here And everytime she makes a friend, the vicous cycle starts again She's never, ever, ever looking back She's saying goodbye and leaving tonight She's wasted all her lonely tear drops She's saying goodbye and leaving tonight She's used up all her lonely tear drops now She's wasted all her lonely tear drops now I'll miss you. Mood: nostalgic Music: Sugarcult - Saying Goodbye

	2003.07.21  19.29 from what i've gathered, there are three things that have shaped who i am today. -my family -my friends -my huge lack of friends thanks for that. Mood: confused Music: Three Dog Night - Joy to the World

	2003.07.21  03.18 I realized... I'm so in love with Will's voice, it's not funny. o.o; *bounces away* Music: Less Than Jake - Automatic

	2003.07.19  04.09 Yay. I get to see my cousins for the first time in like, a year. Damn it. And it's one of their stupid birthday parties too. Which is usually when I'm at my bitchiest. When I watch my uncle spend five thousand dollars on them, and bitch over spending five on me, and not to mention there are starving kids in Africa that could use that money. >_> God help me. Mood: gloomy Music: tripping daisy - i got a girl

	2003.07.18  23.02 Everybody Hates Will adrieatsbabies: will is a cum infested pussy flap Music: Rachael Yamagata - Worn Me Down

	2003.07.17  20.59 I <333 Josh "Will can suck a cock and mellow." Mood: amused

	2003.07.17  02.07 oh yes. yes i did. wake up for once: *humps* wake up for once: *licks* adrieatsbabies: O__o wake up for once: *suffers from a massive orgasm* wake up for once: You turn me on Adri. :3 adrieatsbabies: adri hungry *goes to nuke some food* adrieatsbabies: o.o oh my wake up for once: Hungry? :D I have something you can...eat... adrieatsbabies: O_______________________O adrieatsbabies: oh no you did not just imply...

	2003.07.16  22.23 I haven't... Mmkay. It's weird, to see that the soap operas and little mini dramas are happening around me, and not TO me. Though, like Mandii said, what I'm going through right now seems pretty dramatic to other people. ^^; That's normal stuff though. Happens all the time. However, the stuff that happens to ME just ain't been happening. I haven't fooled around with any of my friend's boyfriends lately... I haven't gone bitchy and plotted to bring down anyone lately... I haven't fallen for any guys lately... I haven't gotten any message boards and communities mad at me lately... I haven't pissed off any webmasters lately... I haven't offended any fundie Xians lately... I haven't really don't anything lately. Mood: apathetic Music: La Rissa - I Do Both Jay And Jane

	2003.07.15  22.26 So. Here I am. And no one cares. I've told people on more than one occasion that it bothers me that I constantly have to start the conversation. And it's not like, oh, I've signed on, and it's been TWO WHOLE SECONDS! I mean, it is bothersome that some people just BARELY signed in and they get people talking to them... But anyways. I've been online for two and a half hours. I'm glad you all fucking care. >> I know I won't make the week. Because I love you guys that much. Mood: aggravated Music: Joydrop - Beautiful

	2003.07.14  21.10 meh... wake up for once: d00gleAWP: killing ppl is a fine art d00gleAWP: mess up and your dead unholy kazaana: o.o d00gleAWP: im not a mass murderer... d00gleAWP: but i have killed sum1 unholy kazaana: ... unholy kazaana: o.o; unholy kazaana: Well, you will be a mass murderer if you go after every guy I've been with. d00gleAWP: got into a fight, went a little too far, ended up i pushed himm over the side and his neck got caught on a root, and he died d00gleAWP: no girls like me cuz they think im psyco d00gleAWP: and i stabbed sum1 with a meatball fork in the cafeteria one time d00gleAWP: hate to think about those times d00gleAWP: ppl talk about me, my family, or anyone i know, and i lose control d00gleAWP: especialy anyone i love d00gleAWP: my grandma died about 2 years ago d00gleAWP: and he said something about my grandma d00gleAWP: and i stabbed him d00gleAWP: i dont even remember stabbing him d00gleAWP: my mind shuts down and my killer instincts turn on d00gleAWP: *click* d00gleAWP: i need anger management d00gleAWP: id hate to come down there and josh say something about you d00gleAWP: i prolly wouldnt say anything untill he noticed a knife in his back =-\ Wrung Despair: beh wake up for once: He's serious. o.o wake up for once: And he knows where I live. Wrung Despair: meh...stab stab...grrr...yea. Mood: scared, yet amused Music: Sugarcult - Pretty Girl

	2003.07.14  20.11 lalala I'm so crazy right now. We're moving, most likely, to Grand Prairie. And I'm not quite sure how I feel about that. I don't want to leave everyone here. I barely get to see them as it is, and we live in the same city. But, on the bright side, my mother will probably feel better once she gets this new start, which means I might get to see them still, because she'll drive me to see them, or take us places. I mean, we will be right by Six Flags... I'm going to go to Arlington schools...I've never been to their schools. It might be nice to get back into a real school though...*sighs* I don't know. She told me all these plans and got me excited, and now she's changed them, and these new plans may look better to her, but I miss what we were going to do before... Mood: accomplished Music: Rachael Yamagata - Worn Me Down

	2003.07.13  23.06 %#YI394 ewn tjgy @$EOTJO$@P)u6t093gt 4w9t43qhjgt 9jr4 fuck you.

	2003.07.13  20.58 I've decided to just make a random list of facts about me and such. I'll updated it all the time and everything. :3 I hate censorship. I just hate it. I rarely censor myself, and I don't like it when other people feel like they have to censor themselves, especially if it's around me. And in stories? Oh hell no. If you wanna say "Fuck all this god damned shit damnit!" then say it, not "F*ck all this god d***ed sh*t." or whatever. ( click for the rest ) And I'll be adding more to that later. :3 Mood: aggravated Music: Queen - Another One Bites The Dust

	2003.07.13  18.55 Whee~ well it's three am, i'm out here riding again, through the wicked winding streets of my world... I <3333 Poe. Thank you. ^^ If you're looking for me, I'm making icons for inuicons Suha. Do you get the gist of this song now? Well it's 3 a.m. I'm out here riding again Through the wicked winding streets of my world I make a wrong turn brake it now I'm too far gone I got a siren on my tail and that ain't the fine I'm looking for I see a stairway so I follow it down Into the belly of a whale Where my secrets echo all around You know me now but to do better than that You've got to follow me Boy I'm tryin' to show you where I'm at Hey pretty Don't you wanna take a ride with me? Through my world Hey pretty Don't you wanna kick and slide Through my world Well I've got a mind full of wicked designs I've got a non-stop-hole in my head-imagination I'm in a building that has two-thousand floors and when they all fall down I think you know it's you they're fallin' for I can't forget I am a soul architect I built the shadows here I built the growl in the voice I fear You add it up but to do better than that You've got to follow me Boy I'm tryin' to show you where I'm at Hey pretty Don't you wanna take a ride with me? Through my world Hey pretty Don't you wanna kick and slide Through my world Hey pretty My pretty baby Rockin' through my world (my world) Hey pretty my pretty baby Rockin' through my world (my world) Hey now Can't you feel me longing (Do you get the gist of this song now?) Hey now Can't you feel me? (feel me) Hey pretty... Hey pretty hey pretty baby my pretty baby hey pretty baby don't you Wanna take a ride with me... (my baby)... et cetera. Do you get the gist of this song now? Do you get the gist of this song now? Mood: blank Music: Poe - Hey Pretty (Don't You Wanna Take A Ride With Me)

	2003.07.11  21.47 potpourri you're just haunted by your past and obsessed with a memory your thoughts and all your hopes lost in potpourri we're dying here without you as you try to fix that mistake and even though you're dreaming i'm still awake and i can't find you anymore you're running away from me every move only makes me wrong i'm lost in potpourri and i know that without her you'll never feel complete but oh, that vision of love can't you tell it's just deceit? i see us take our twists (oh i see us make those turns) as we sort through this debris you won't listen and i'm alone lost in potpourri (twisting, turning, lost in this chaos) and look around, can't you see? you're just lost... lost... likeinaforest Mood: creative Music: Silence. o.O

	2003.07.10  07.47 Poor Kid... http://wasp.usswim.net/jaken.JPG Now, I know his name is actually Jake N. But I'm going to make fun of him for the rest of his natural life. Nevermind that I don't actually know him. That's funny shit. :3 Jaken...heh... Speaking of which, I've gone on a claiming spree....O.o; Mood: envious Music: Kodomo no Omocha - Ultra Relax

	2003.07.10  07.06 and the way you're treating me is so outrageous, you and all your suppressed rages. . . Life sucks, it does. My brother, to put it nicely, is an asshole. A crazed asshole. A crazed, hairy, smelly, naked asshole. But that's not very nice, is it? Ah well. The bad thing? My mother refuses to do anything about it. At all. So, instead, she takes her anger out on me. I hope one day she'll realize what a mistake she's made. Until then, I get to live with the consequences. Mood: bitchy Music: Jennie Stigle - Wind's Nocturne (Luna's Boat Song) [clipped]